I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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