I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need moral support for this bender
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize