So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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