i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
