Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
