hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
