I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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