So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
