were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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