Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
