I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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