Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
