Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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