I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
