Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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