I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
