i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
