He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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