You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
