I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
