So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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