I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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