Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
