I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
