After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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