if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
