I smell stomach acid.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
