Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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