You're so nebulous sometimes
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
