alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
