Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
