I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
