if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
