roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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