i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
