is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Success! We fucked roommates!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
