You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
