I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
