Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
