Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
