Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize