Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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