Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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