My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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