If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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