Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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