Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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