Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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