Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
