from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
