i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
