Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
