i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everclear isn't food dammit
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
