I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just google imaged poop.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize