he shaved USA in his pubs
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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