I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
