So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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