Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
