He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
vagina is talking i cant
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's shark week go big or go home
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
