cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
