walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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