He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
