I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize