getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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