i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
