And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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