who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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