I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
